Do Fish Sneeze?

So yesterday we went out to Red Lobster for lunch and happened to be seated right next to a rather large aquarium, which when you think of it is pretty sick. I mean it would be like having a cow stabled next to your booth at a steak house. Alas, I digress...... So there we sat waiting for our meals when Gracy asks, "Mom, do fish sneeze?". Now normally I would just tell her to go and ask her dad but since he was sitting across from me snickering with a snide look on his face that option was obviously out so I just went with my old stand by, "I'm not sure, we'll have to look that up on the internet when we get home". Which got me to thinking, how in the world did our mothers ever raise us without the internet??? I am constantly getting online to answer questions, or find recipes or get ideas or to entertain the kids with a game. Our mothers never had that option. Which lead to a whole line of thinking down a really dark path that sends shivers down my spine even as I write this. Imagine your life without: a microwave, a dishwasher, the Disney channel, disposable diapers, hand sanitizer or steady yourself now.......PAPER TOWELS!!! Gasp! Shudder! Whimper! I honestly never imagined a world without paper towels until my mother mentioned it. I guess in my feeble little mind I just assumed that they were always around. Like Noah had them on the Ark to clean up after all of the animals, or that the cavemen used Bounty to help clean and sanitize the cave. How our mothers ever survived us is beyond me, but every time you use your dishwasher, or your microwave or a sheet of Bounty, call your mother and tell her that you love her. She deserves it! Oh, and by the way....fish can't sneeze because they don't have a respiratory system but they can cough when they get sand or gravel stuck in their gills. Now go call your mother.

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe......

I don't know about the rest of you, but I am soooo sick of all of this presidential stuff. Everytime you turn on the TV you are bombarded with attack ads on who's going to raise your taxes (umm, both), or who did what to whom back in 1972 while smoking a joint wearing fishnet pantyhose, okay, I haven't actually seen an ad like that on TV but I bet someone has created it on Youtube already. Lets face it, the Democrats hate the Republicans, the Republicans hate the Democrats there I said it. But I think I may have come up with the solution. Since we are a country based on democracy I think instead of having one President we should set it up like the Supreme Court. We'll divide the country up into 4 equal parts, (North, South, East and West), and each section will be allowed to vote in one Republican and one Democrat then we will send them all to live in the White House together just like in the show Big Brother. There will be challenges to see who gets to sleep where and who gets to sit at the head of the table, who gets to sit next to the "button" etc...Then whenever something really big comes up we'll lock them in a room and have them argue amongst themselves to come up with the best solution then take a vote. Majority rules. Now after the vote if they are evenly divided I think the Republicans should pick one person to represent them and the Democrats should do the same and we should have a political celebrity cage death match. Now the Republicans might have a slight advantage here as they would probably choose Arnold Schwarzenegger unless of course the Yankees picked Hillary then they'd be screwed!! Honestly, we could kill two birds with one stone here. I'd pay good money to see the Pay Per View Political Death-match on TV, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Think of the money that could go towards the deficit from watch parties and the high dollars companies would pay to advertise during the death-match between "EVERYDAY AVERAGE JUST LIKE YOU JOE BIDEN vs. SARAH THE PIT BULL PALIN!" Surely I am not the only one who would love to see 2 politicians beating the snot out of each other right?

Attention all car makers.....

I think that if you really want to make a car that women will flock to, then you need to have real moms involved on the design team, and I'm not talking about "Jane Executive", who works 60 hours a week while the nanny takes care of the kids. I'm talking about stay at home moms of multiple kids who are constantly having to shuttle the kids around from activity to activity in the "Mom Taxi". I myself have a few ideas for GM and Ford. First I'd really like for them to make a mini-van that has a remote control partition to separate the front seats from the back. You know just like they have in the limos. That way when the Gracy and Chase start fighting, I could just hit the button and enjoy the peace and quiet. This would also mean that I could listen to real music and not the kiddie tunes that I am forced to listen to now. Now, if you want to make it even better you could add a "tint" button that would also darken the partition so as to make the backseat not visible to the front and vice versa, this would serve a duel purpose as I would not then be able to see as Chase finger paints his window with chocolate milk or to have to watch as Gracy tries to put on her lip gloss without the benefit of a mirror only to look like Lisa Rinna is sitting in my backseat, but also to shield the children when some idiot cuts me off and I am forced to scream and use creative hand gestures to convey my displeasure with their inadequate driving skills. I would drive a pea green Yugo mini-van if they made my partition standard on their vehicles. Second, I'd like for the cars to have tear-away covers for the back seats, like they have tear away sheets on the windshields of race cars. That way when John asks me to drive his mom somewhere, I could just walk out to the car and tear away one the sheets covering the backseat instead of trying to figure out the best way to get Froot Loops off of the upholstery without having to use scissors or a blow torch, or how to cover up the melted crayon with a hotwheels car tire stuck to it. Last, I would like navigation for real women, with someone other than the condescending female voice trying to tell me where to go......"Proceed North for .08 miles", SERIOUSLY??? If I knew which direction North was would I need navigation???? I want to hear someone like Sam Elliott giving directions like this: "Darlin' turn like your going to Stone Briar Mall, drive for 10 minutes then at the 3rd stop light turn right, now be careful when you turn and distract the toddler in the backseat as a sign for Chuckie Cheese's is going to be on your left, good job, I knew you could do it because you are the smartest most beautiful woman I know and I think you deserve a treat, there's a Starbucks on the right, hit the button to put up the partition and go get yourself a Frappuccino ." Yes, this would be the ultimate Mom Taxi. Oh, and if you could add a mini fridge and a dustbuster, that would be great too!

Character Wittnesses

Have you ever thought about who'd you want as your character witness? Surely, I'm not the only one who ever thinks of these things right? I mean I don't ever plan on breaking any laws, but I just like to think of myself as "prepared". If I am ever arrested I figure it will be because of road rage, or because of sale gone terribly wrong at the mall, or if someone does something to my kids. I mean I like to think of myself as pretty reasonable, but if you touch my kids I'll jump on you like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew and if that happens I want to have my character witnesses lined up. Diane, friend since 3rd grade, not only knows to much but has the photos to prove it. Cindy, my friend since the 6th grade immediately has to be crossed off of my list, she hates confrontation, so the first time a prosecutor questioned her she fold like an old metal lawn chair. And Lisa would be no help as she would probably be sitting in the seat next to me on trial as my accomplice. And so goes my list slowly dwindling, looks like I better stay out of trouble or make some new friends.

Football in Texas

As most of you know Gracy is a cheerleader for our peewee football league and loves it. It is truly a family affair as Chase and I go to every practice with her and John, Chase and I attend every game. And everything you have heard about football in Texas is absolutley true! Let me give you a couple of examples. 1.) When Hurricane Ike hit with driving rain and 3o mph winds we sat huddled under a tarp in the stands as poor Gracy cheered her heart out. As I look back on that day I am still shocked that I even let her go, I mean the weather was bad enough that I wouldn't take my camera out, yet there stood my sweet baby girl, smile plastered on her face and my 3 year old splashing in all of the puddles. It was an adventure, but one I hope to never have to repeat. And 2.) I have already had 4 people ask me if I am going to let Chase play flag football next year?!?! SERIOUSLY??? I mean, I just got the boy potty trained like 3 months ago and you think he's gonna be ready to play football? And, what's worse is when anyone asks Chase he tells them that Yes he is going to play football so that he can hit people. Yes, my son would be the one tackling all of the players during the "FLAG", football game. No, thanks. I think we'll wait until he can tie his own shoes before we set him loose on the field.


Also, right now I am up to my elbows in Homecoming mums. Now, up until recently I thought that everyone did Homecoming mums but now realize that this is just really a TX, OK thing. What is a mum you ask? Well, it is a flower surrounded by ribbons with lots of ribbons and trinkets hanging from the bottom and the girls wear them pinned to their shirts. Now normally, girls in High School are given one from their boyfriends but in elementary school the parents provide them. So, as team Mom I am making 16 of them and my house looks like a craft store threw up in it. I have until Monday to get them done so that the girls can wear them in the Homecoming parade, and then they get to wear them to school on Friday and the football games on Friday night and Saturday afternoon. So, say a quick prayer that we get all of these done in time and that my children do not repeat any of the words that I have screamed as I hot glued my fingers to a cluster of ribbons. And when I'm done with this, I get to make the gifts for our girls to give the 26 football players. WE'VE GOT SPIRIT YES WE DO, WE'VE GOT SPIRIT HOW 'BOUT YOU?......ya,ya, whatever!

They put locks on everything.

When we were building this house 6 years ago I remember remarking on how all of the appliances came with lock buttons on them and how I felt like the makers of these appliances were just trying to add every bell and whistle they could to make you feel like you were getting your monies worth. I mean seriously, a lock button on the dishwasher? You close the door, you turn the dishwasher on, you open the door the dishwasher turns off, so what's that useless button for? Well, that all changed one day when Chase was 2. I was folding clothes in the laundry room when in he walks with white foam coming out of his mouth. Now, usually I would have gone into full panic mode, but this time I calmly asked him what he was eating, to which he sputtered and gagged and lead me into the kitchen where the dishwasher door was open and there sat a half eaten dishwasher packet, you know the one's, they have the dishwasher soap and yes bleach in them!! After a quick call to Poisin Control and a couple of glasses of milk later all was well and the mystery of the "useless lock buttons" were explained. Just like when one of us forgets to lock the ice/ water dispencer on our fridge we will find him using it as a carwash for his matchbox cars or trying to catch crushed ice into his mouth, which he is not that accurate at. I now use the locks on all of my appliances and wish that some other items in my house also came with that feature, like the vaccum, the bathtub, the phone the printer etc...

A Year of Firsts

Well, today is the first birthday that I can ever remember that I didn't receive a birthday card from my Grandmother. She passed away last March and thus began the dreaded year of firsts, the first year that she and Gracy couldn't celebrate their birthdays together, the first year that she didn't send me a card, the first Thanksgiving we won't see her sweet face at the dinner table, the first Christmas we'll miss her childlike excitement over every tiny little gift with her name on it and the list goes on and on. It seems that just when you think it is getting easier another first sneaks up and smacks you on the back of the head. So today I thought I would share one of my favorite stories about her. A little background for those of you who were not fortunate enough to meet my Grandmother: She was a petite little thing who was incredibly sweet and kindhearted who never had a bad thing to say about anyone maybe that's why the following story has always been so amusing to me.

When my mom was little they lived next door to my grandpa's sister and her family and one day Mom was over their playing with her cousins when one of the boys started being mean to my mom and Aunt Dianne. Well, for whatever reason grandpa's sister got really mad at mom and Dianne and told them to leave and not come back. So mom and Dianne went home upset and told Grandma what had happened and without saying a word Grandma in her robe with curlers in her hair, marched to her sister-in-laws house, threw open the door stormed through the house to the kitchen where she picked up a pot on the stove that contained the rice that had been borrowed from her earlier that day marched back out of the front door and without a word dumped the hot steaming rice onto the front lawn!!! She then returned the pan to the kitchen and went back home. Luckily she was not one to like confrontation or to hold a grudge so she got her point across and the incident was never mentioned again. Maybe that explains a little of where we, "Gillis Girls", get our feistiness from!!

She will always be missed but especially during the "Firsts".

9/11 Where were you???

I so clearly remember that I had awoken and turned on the tv about 10 minutes before the first plane hit the World Trade Center, seeing it was like watching a movie. I could not wrap my head around the fact that this was really happening. As the days went on I remember everyone just being kinder and more patient, and seeing the American flag everywhere, too bad that that part had to end. I also will never forget the strangest feeling of standing outside and not seeing or hearing a single airplane in the skies for days.

I remember seeing a news story on a little girl on one of the planes and she reminded me so much of Grace that I cried for hours just thinking of how her mother handled those last moments with her daughter. I know God was with them then and that she is with Him now, and I pray that all of the victims of 9/11 are surrounded by God's love and that they are all at peace. Please pray for all of the loved ones that they left behind and also for all of the incredibly brave men and women who fight to keep us safe.

I will end this with my favorite quote:

Bidden or not bidden God is present

I love this quote, because it reminds me that even when I'm not asking God to be with me that he is there. Just as he is in the foxholes and tents, in the jungles and crack houses. No matter what your denomination, God is there with you.

How Ike screwed up my birthday....

So last weekend I was very excited to find out that my favorite craft show was going to be held this coming Saturday the day before my birthday. John said that he and the kids would drop me off and I could shop as long as I wanted, or at least until Gracy's game starts at 1:00. Well now stinkin' Ike is churning up the Gulf of Mexico taunting us like a Jehovah's witness circling the neighborhood. You know he's coming to your door, you just don't know when. Not only is my craft show probably being cancelled but my family birthday dinner has also been cancelled until blue skies return. But this is not the worst thing that Ike has done to me these last few days, he has forced me to clean, yes people I have been stripping the beds and cleaning the toilets, why you ask? Because we have family in Houston who may at any point decide to pack up and evacuate to "Casa de Walls". Now on a good note these are people that we actually enjoy spending time with, but scrubbing toilets mere days before my birthday is not exactly how I had this planned.

Mom on the other hand is in OK worrying about us here in the Dallas area, she asked me tonight if I had thought about buying provisions in case our power goes out, I told her no but that I did think that I should go out and buy ice cream. Which did not in any way alleviate any of her fears. But as sad as it is the one thing I thought about when she mentioned that we may have power outages was that I needed to make sure that the portable dvd player was charged up for the kids. Not "we need bottled water, lanterns or peanut butter and bread", no I'm freaking out thinking how in the world am I going to entertain these kids in the dark with no a/c or electricity?!? Aha, I should charge the Nintendo DS too! Just bought myself another good 15-20 minutes of sanity. Gas cans! We should fill up the gas cans, we could basically live in our car, we'll have a/c, and the dvd player, and my ice cream of course, and when we run out of gas in my car we'll just move in to John's! Yes, Mom can now rest easy, I have a plan!

So this is what my life has come to....

Do you ever have those moments where you step back and realize just how old you really are? Let me give you an example: I found myself quoting a movie today and actually cracking myself up. The problem is it was an animated movie, not the cool movies I used to quote, you know the ones....The Breakfast Club, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Sixteen Candles or Stripes, no, no I caught myself quoting for the umpteenth time, "Boog is sorry (insert gagging and vomit sounds here)!"and yes, I do make the very realistic sound effects. Yes, people this is what has become of me. I also recently found myself disgusted when I realized that the song that Chase my 3 year old was dancing and singing to on his mp3 is a song I used to make-out too!!! EWWWW!! And to make it even worse, it was not to his father!!!! If I were Catholic I would be at confession right now. But since I am Baptist, I guess I will just wait until he falls asleep and delete my "make-out song", and replace it with some obscenely annoying song from one of his kiddie cd's. Although getting the image of Chase singing "You Give Love a Bad Name", out of my mind will not be quite so easy. Maybe after I delete it I will take a hot shower and drink one of the Smirnoff Berry Blast I keep in the fridge in the garage specifically for moments just like this.