Sunday, October 5, 2008

Attention all car makers.....

I think that if you really want to make a car that women will flock to, then you need to have real moms involved on the design team, and I'm not talking about "Jane Executive", who works 60 hours a week while the nanny takes care of the kids. I'm talking about stay at home moms of multiple kids who are constantly having to shuttle the kids around from activity to activity in the "Mom Taxi". I myself have a few ideas for GM and Ford. First I'd really like for them to make a mini-van that has a remote control partition to separate the front seats from the back. You know just like they have in the limos. That way when the Gracy and Chase start fighting, I could just hit the button and enjoy the peace and quiet. This would also mean that I could listen to real music and not the kiddie tunes that I am forced to listen to now. Now, if you want to make it even better you could add a "tint" button that would also darken the partition so as to make the backseat not visible to the front and vice versa, this would serve a duel purpose as I would not then be able to see as Chase finger paints his window with chocolate milk or to have to watch as Gracy tries to put on her lip gloss without the benefit of a mirror only to look like Lisa Rinna is sitting in my backseat, but also to shield the children when some idiot cuts me off and I am forced to scream and use creative hand gestures to convey my displeasure with their inadequate driving skills. I would drive a pea green Yugo mini-van if they made my partition standard on their vehicles. Second, I'd like for the cars to have tear-away covers for the back seats, like they have tear away sheets on the windshields of race cars. That way when John asks me to drive his mom somewhere, I could just walk out to the car and tear away one the sheets covering the backseat instead of trying to figure out the best way to get Froot Loops off of the upholstery without having to use scissors or a blow torch, or how to cover up the melted crayon with a hotwheels car tire stuck to it. Last, I would like navigation for real women, with someone other than the condescending female voice trying to tell me where to go......"Proceed North for .08 miles", SERIOUSLY??? If I knew which direction North was would I need navigation???? I want to hear someone like Sam Elliott giving directions like this: "Darlin' turn like your going to Stone Briar Mall, drive for 10 minutes then at the 3rd stop light turn right, now be careful when you turn and distract the toddler in the backseat as a sign for Chuckie Cheese's is going to be on your left, good job, I knew you could do it because you are the smartest most beautiful woman I know and I think you deserve a treat, there's a Starbucks on the right, hit the button to put up the partition and go get yourself a Frappuccino ." Yes, this would be the ultimate Mom Taxi. Oh, and if you could add a mini fridge and a dustbuster, that would be great too!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are a nut!! I loved it. Can I share it with friends? :)

Love ya!

Anonymous said...

I think it's time for a new blog post!!! Pleeeeeeease???

Anonymous said...

There's no price I wouldn't pay for that car!