Stinkin' China

So, I think I have mentioned in past blogs about the competitive nature of my children. But I am not sure that I conveyed how extreme it actually is. I mean all brothers and sisters are somewhat competitive, but mine take it way past normal. Let me give you an example:
Way back during the 2008 Summer Olympics we watched a lot of the events, swimming, gymnastics, diving etc... Well, the kids would watch and Chase being 3 at the time and not being able to read would ask us which athlete was from America and who the other athletes were and where they were from. They would cheer and jump up and down for our American athletes and really get into it. Well, after a while Chase caught on that the only other country that had more medals than we did was CHINA. He memorized their flag and the word CHINA and that's when it turned ugly. Every time he would see the word China pop up on the screen he would clench his fist and yell, "STINKIN' CHINA!!!", the first couple of times John and I would just look at each thinking, "where the heck did that come from??", and then as more of the Olympics came on we would snicker and cheer him on shaking our fists in the air right a long side of him. Boy, if we only knew what was to come.... Flash forward to his 4th birthday in November (4 months after the Olympics), there was cake and ice cream and presents and friends and it was all fun and games until everyone except my parents had left and he took a closer look at the new bicycle that MiMi and PawPaw had bought for him. He got down on his knees and checked out the tires and the pedals and that's when he saw the tag. Immediately he whipped his head around and yelled, "MiMi!! You bought me a bike from STINKIN' CHINA?!?!", my poor sweet mother explained to him that all of the bikes at the store were made from China and I ignorantly threw in that just about all toys are made in China, and thus started the inspection of all of the birthday toys and some old favorites too. It was a sad day in the life of a 4 year old boy to realize that all of his birthday presents and some of his old favorite toys too were all made by his arch nemesis "Stinkin' China".
So I am sure that most of you think this is where this story ends.....but not a chance in my world. So, we had been in Midland a while and decided to go out to eat, you guessed it Chinese. I mean it's been a year right? We were seated by the aquarium and had ordered and were enjoying a nice peaceful family dinner when one of the waiters came up to speak with the hostess.....in CHINESE! Chase whipped his head around and then stood up on the booth next to me and in that instant I knew by the look in his eye's what was about to happen. I immediately started trying to tug him back down to his seat, but it was too late. In his loud 4 year old voice he asks, "Are they speakin' the Chinese?! Why are they speakin' the Chinese??? Why don't they speaka like we do??? Don't they knew we are in Middlelan?", and then it happened, my worst fear, I saw the fist in slow motion headed high above his head, his sweet intense blue eyes locked on the poor waiter and hostess as he loudly and patriotically yelled, "STINKIN' CHINA!!!!!!!!!". I literally thought my face was going to ignite I was so red. And then I saw John across the table give Chase a smirk and a quick nod and then it was over. Chase finally ate his meal after a quick explanation that his chicken was made in the kitchen of the restaurant right here in Midland and not somewhere in China but I could still not make eye contact with any of the wait staff and have not been back there since.
Everyone, just please pray that Mexico never beats us in any of the Olympics, I can go awhile without Chinese food but I'm not giving up Mexican!!!

What Was God Thinking????

Have you ever sat back and quietly asked yourself, "What was God thinking???", like whenever you see a giraffe or a three toed sloth? Well I think that question a lot when I am looking at my children. I mean what was God thinking when he entrusted the lives of these two incredible children into my my care?? I mean lets be honest, there are plenty of stable, sane people who deserve these kids more than I do, so why me? Maybe it's because before I gave birth I was generally a stable person but something happened during the birth of my daughter. I am convinced that when my uterus began to contract it released a chemical into my body that causes extreme phobias and paranoia. As soon as she was placed pink and wiggly into my arms every stranger was looked at with suspension as possibly being a pervert or kidnapper. I was so paranoid that someone would steal her that for months I would place her in her carseat in the bathtub while I showered in our glass enclosed shower peering at her in between the shampoo and conditioner stage worried that armed robbers were going to break into the house and pass up the big screen TV and all of the electronics to kidnap my crying, infant never to be seen again. Yes people it was that bad. I also never thought in all of the years that I imagined being a mom that I would ever voluntarily stick my finger up another human beings nose, yet I have held down both of my babies to clear their airways from whatever foreign body might cause them to suffocate in their sleep. Now as they are getting older and more independent it is getting harder and harder to "cut that cord". Gracy for instance is so trusting and will ask to spend the night with one of her friends and it will be someone that I have not had a chance to do a background check on yet. I am having a hard time giving her an acceptable excuse that will not scare the bee jeesus out of her so I usually say something like, "Oh, sorry, not tonight we've got plans early in the morning" and then quickly trying to come up with plans for in the morning. When what I really want to say to her is, "Honey, we don't know them well enough and they might very well be serial killers who collect pretty little girls in their basements and if anything every happened to you I would go crazy and hurt them and then mommy would go to prison and then daddy would have to raise Chase on his own, and nobody wants that to happen right?"
Surely they make medication for this right? Or maybe I could just get a hysterectomy or a transfusion or something. Whatever the answer is it better come quick cause Gracy will be 16 in 7 years and will be expecting to drive and go out on dates. Uggg, I think I feel a panic attack coming on just thinking about it!!!

A few of the things I never thought I would miss...

So obviously I miss my family and my friends, that's not what this post is about. This post is about all of those things that you take for granted until they are gone. Such as: I miss my under-mount deep stainless steel sink. The apartment has a tiny shallow little sink that whenever you turn the faucet on hits the bottom and splashes out like Niagara Falls all over your clothes and the floor. I miss my ice maker that I never fully appreciated, it was always there for me ice bucket full, ready anytime I had a beverage that needed cooling off. I miss my garden tub that quite possibly holds three times the water that the one in my apartment does. I miss my full sized hot water heater. The apartment has a half sized one which means that every time I am in the shower decisions have to be made because I don't have enough hot water to both wash my hair and shave my legs. So now when John starts complaining at night that the stubble on my legs is velcro'd to the hair on his I tell him, "suck it up, we're all having to make sacrifices here!!!" Besides, I'm trying to make friends here and I don't want to be known as the "Greasy Haired One", at least for now I can wear jeans to cover up my Sasquatch legs. I miss my washing machine, remember the one I always complained about because it wasn't shiny and new. Well the tiny washing machine here does not have a place to put fabric softener in, you are just supposed to pour it in during the rinse cycle.....SERIOUSLY!!!!!! I have ADHD. Half of the time I don't even remember putting clothes into the wash to begin with much less keep track of when the rinse cycle is happening. But most of all I miss freedom. Freedom to turn up the tv or the music. Freedom to go get the mail while in my pj's. Freedom to let my kids run wild outside or to be loud and crazy inside. Freedom to go to the fridge to get ice for my Dr. Pepper to drink while I'm taking a long hot shower and shaving my legs and washing my hair while my washing machine knows just the right time to dispense the fabric softener. I WANT MY FREEDOM BACK!!!

Application to be my friend....

Midland Day 25

Scenery: I have found green!!!!! Big tall trees with birds and everything!

Gracy: Happy as can be.

Chase: Only crying every other day to go home now

John: Happy and cheerful and not willing to attend my pity parties.

Friends: ZERO, ZILCH, NADA.

Well, I have gotten out of the apartment some this week, and I actually socialized with some other moms at the park with a moms group I have found here. They have all been really nice, and I am beginning to feel more comfortable talking to complete strangers. I am working really hard not scaring them off by following them around or asking directions to their house or if we can come over for Easter!!!:O)

I also found a cat hiding in the parking lot the other day. It took forever for me to lure him over but he got away before I could yank his collar off and make him my own. I was going to call him,"No. 1". Okay, just kidding, I did see a cat but he wouldn't give me the time of day. Maybe tomorrow I'll come armed with a can of tuna.

So, since I have noticed that the women of Midland are not beating down my door to be my friend I have decided to be pro active. I'm thinking an ad on Craigslist should do the trick. I am going to be very specific and quite picky since I'm not getting any younger and frankly do not want to be annoyed by needy people such as myself. Here's what I have come up with so far:



My new friend must be older, fatter and shorter than me (I've always wanted to be the younger, skinny, tall one in the group). They must be the quiet good listener type, since we all know how much I have to say. They must have a good healthy sick sense of humor, and laugh at all of my off the wall jokes. They must have kids that are louder and more obnoxious than my two darlings so that even when my kids are driving me insane I can always feel comfort in the knowledge that, "at least they aren't as bad as _________'s little heathens." They must have their own home or apartment, weirdo's living in grandma's basement need not apply. They must love God, animals (not the slithery kind), America and Greys Anatomy. Okay, they don't have to LOVE Grey's but it would be a bonus.
Last but not least they must be loyal and fun and tolerant enough to put up with me.

All applicants will go through a strict screening process including webcam interviews conducted by my loyal friends back home, a background check (you know how I feel about weirdos), and a simple blood test, (can't have you infecting my family with some weirdo fungus or something). I realize it's a lot but it's not personal.

In return of said friendship I promise to be loyal and fun loving, to listen when I have run out of things to say and to be crafty whenever needed. And by "crafty", I mean both definitions just ask the girls from home!

So, do ya think I'd get any takers? Or, do I just need to stick with the "Crazy Cat Lady", idea????

The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers....

Midland day 8
Scenery: Flat and brown
Friends: 0 (here kitty, kitty, kitty)
Gracy: Loving her new school
Chase: Wants to go back to "Nebada" to get his blue walls.
John: Still loving his job
Me: Trying to be more like Tigger and less like Eeyore.

So, I have decided to try and find the positives in all of this change and to stop complaining about all of the things I am missing. For example: I am now able to vacuum the whole apartment with a dustbuster, I can now multi task while Chase is in the tub since the computer desk is right outside of the bathroom, cleaning the kitchen is a breeze considering that I only have 2 decent size pans and a casserole dish, and I finally live near an On the Border.

We also live less than 5 miles from the mall which normally would strike fear into John, but it reminds me a lot of the old Richardson Square mall. It has decent stores, Dillards, JC Penney's, Justice, Aeropostale etc..., but a whole different group of people than I am used to. So, my Tigger view on this is that I will obviously save money by staying out of the mall unless John is with us and honestly how often do you think that's going to happen??? (insert John's happy dance here).

Grace on the other hand has been Tigger since day one. She finds wonder in every cactus and tumbleweed and will tell everyone how much she loves it here. Her first day of school was yesterday and she was more excited about finally getting a locker than anything else. She already has the combination memorized and has it decorated with cute magnets. But I got worried when she got in the car because she stated that it had not been such a great day, when I asked her why she said, "there are like 90 kids in the 4th grade and I only have like 12 good friends and only 2 best friends!!". I reminded her that it was only Tuesday and at that rate by Friday she should have like 48 good friends and 8 best friends and that I had been her for a whole week and didn't even have one friend yet. (sniff, sniff, insert pause here, I need a tissue).

Okay, so maybe I need to work on the whole Tigger approach a little. Maybe my Tigger theory would be more productive if it were accompanied by a margarita.....On the Border is right around the corner you know!

Midland....Day One

Scenery: Flat and brown
Apt.: Not as tiny as I remembered it to be.
Kids: Swimming every chance they get. Gracy has already made a few friends, Chase thinks that monsters live in the walls (we're working on that one).
John: Still loving his job.
Me: Where do I begin.....

I was actually doing quite well when we first got here. Apt. is new and very updated and bigger than I remembered. Kind of reminds me of a nice hotel only bigger. Then I got the e-mail that our house had been listed on MLS, checked it out and boo-hoo'd. I can't believe that someone else is going to be living in my house, cooking in my kitchen and being friendly to my neighbors!!! So I am torn between hoping that it stays ours forever and hoping that it sells really fast so that we can buy our own house here.
I also find myself feeling guilty and struggling with the fact that so many people are losing their homes and jobs and that we are so blessed that John has found such a great company to work for. It is very hard to enjoy my pity party when Oprah is showing a mom who has to move her kids from shelter to shelter because both she and her husband have lost their jobs. I always feel like God is thumping me on the back of the head when I see things like that, saying, "and just what is it that you are whining about????". Life is good. I am blessed. We are all healthy with a roof over our heads. God is good.

8 words I never thought I would ever say.....

Dear Lord, thank you for my root canal.

Why, you ask would I, who is so deathly afraid of dentists be thankful? Well I'll tell you. On Wednesday in the mail came a letter informing us that as of midnight on Saturday our dental insurance would be cancelled since John has changed jobs. Okay, whatever! Then Thursday night during dinner it happened. I lost a filling!! I am guessing that it was probably loosened by all of the teeth grinding I have been doing in my sleep. So Friday morning first thing I head to the dentist office to be first in line. The dentist was very friendly and her assistant was named Grace, which I figured was a good sign right??? WRONG! Obviously, the dentist and Grace were not very fond of each other and neither were very good masking their feelings. It is not very pleasant to be in the middle of a power struggle with two sets of hands in your mouth. I tried to do that whole mind trick thing, you know where you imagine yourself somewhere else but somehow imagining myself at the beach with a drill in my mouth wasn't gettin' it. So then I switched to mentally picturing John drilling screws in the walls to put up drapes in my new house and let me tell you, after 3 hours in that chair my imaginary house has lots and lots of windows. Luckily I survived it and the dentist and her assistant didn't have a throw down right there. I won't lie and say it was any fun, but not as horrible as I thought it might be. So, Thank you God for saving us $1500.00, cause my new house is going to need lots of drapes!

Proof that God has a sense of humor...

Well, I believe it all started a few months back when I mentioned to a few friends that I could live without a lot of things but that I didn't think I could make it without the internet or my TiVo. Now I don't normally consider myself to be spoiled, I mean the majority of my wardrobe came from Target, but I'll admit that my obsession with TiVo is not normal. So here I sat in my cozy home sarcastically remarking on how horrible life was before the internet and TiVo when "BOOM!", John's company was sold. So I began to pray and I asked family and friends to pray, and we all prayed that John would find a good stable job. A few weeks into all of our praying a friend of John's calls asking him to come and interview with the company he was now working for only problem..... it's in Odessa, TX, yes the same Odessa, TX that Friday Night Lights was made after. So I started thinking, surely this couldn't be the job that we have all been praying for right? I mean Odessa is like 6 hours away from my mama, so this can't be the job. So as I was praying that night I realized something, I was not very specific in my prayers, I was praying for a job, not a job close by, not a job in the Dallas area, I was praying for just a job. So then I started to panic what if God was answering all of our prayers, what if this was the good stable job that we had been praying for? So, John scheduled the trip to Odessa and I started praying again and decided to be a lot more specific. I then sarcastically joked with friends that I was asking for a sign from God if Odessa was the plan he had for our family. I stated that if we were supposed to end up in Odessa then I wanted to see George W. Bush or a solar eclipse and then I would know that this was where we were meant to be. So off we went to Odessa and I tried to have an open mind but for those of you who have never been to Odessa let me describe it to you.....it's flat and it's brown. And it seemed that no matter where we went George Bush was on the cover or front page of something and some businesses even had there signs out welcoming him home. But I argued, this was not my sign because I did not actually see him in person. Then on returning home and having a good cry with my neighbor I told her about not seeing Bush in person and she said that she wasn't going to say anything but that France had had a solar eclipse that day, (insert panic attack here). Once again I reflected on my prayers and realized that obviously when I pray I am very vague. I did not ask to see Bush in person, nor did I pray to personally witness the eclipse, but both had happened while we were in Odessa. How do you argue with that I ask??? So, now that I have accepted that Odessa is where we are headed I have become very specific in my prayers, down to every last detail. Oh, and just for more proof that God has a sense of humor: John found out today that the apartment that we have rented faces the wrong direction, so no DirecTV, which means no TiVo, (insert ugly cry here), and as if that were not horrible enough, the tiny refrigerator that the apartment provides does not come with an ice maker.......yes, people, I will have to manually crack ice trays!!! The HORROR! So the lesson to be learned here is: Be careful, God will answer your prayers so be specific and maybe a little less sarcastic.

Tivo saved my marriage...

So let me start this out by saying that those of you who read this that do not have TiVo, will never understand this, but those of you who do are probably nodding your head in agreement even as you read the title. TiVo is one luxury that you don't know you're missing until you have one, but once you own one, it owns you!! I love TiVo, there I said it, I'm not ashamed. I TiVo shows every single day and no longer have to worry about whether or not the Hallmark movie I was looking forward to happens to be on at the same time as the big game, I just sit back knowing that tonight while everyone else is sleeping I will be bawling in my living room watching my previously TiVo'd Hallmark movie and skipping through all of the commercials. It is also great for cranky toddlers who do not want to go to Walmart and chance missing the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse that is scheduled to come on. I just push a few buttons on the remote and off we go. Another bonus is that you can rewind live TV. So no more having to hold it to go to the bathroom until a commercial comes on, now you just go and rewind whatever you missed. We have all become so spoiled to this that we forget that we only have TiVo on 2 of our TVs and I have caught myself searching for the rewind button on a regular remote. You know kinda like when the electricity goes off and you still flip the light switch on then you look around to see if anyone noticed what an idiot you are. I have come to realize that TiVo is crack for stay at home moms. And yes, I am addicted. I have told John that I realize that the economy is bad and that we need to cut back and I am totally willing to cook at home more and clip coupons and use generic sandwich baggies just don't make me give up my TiVo!! But as always, I have a plan, I have found lots and lots of John's things that I can sell on Ebay if I have to to pay for my habit. And besides, it's good for the family and cheaper than therapy!

Chickenbone the rockstar, racecar driver, superhero

So have I ever mentioned that I have THE most competitive children in the entire world. I mean I even think that Chickenbone was born 7 weeks early just so that he could beat his cousin here because they both had the same due date. Those who are around us often know that I do not exaggerate where he is concerned. I'll give you a few examples. He HAS to be the first one to enter the house, he HAS to be the first one to put his seat belt on or take his seat belt off, he Has to be the first one to get cereal in the mornings and anything can be made into a competition that only he can win. Now when one of the above listed items does not go according to his plan an all out temper tantrum throw down occurs. It is so bad that even Goose who herself is extremely competitive would rather come in second than have to witness the tantrum. Even in the car he is in the backseat calling out to me, "Momma, why is that car in front of us? Why are they winning? Go faster Momma, faster, go around them Mom, we can win, hurry!!!", and I will actually find myself speeding up and taking the challenge from my crew chief shouting orders from his car seat in the back. I find myself gripping the steering wheel and weaving in and out of traffic until my senses finally return and I realize that I am taking orders from a 4 year old. God help us when HE is the one doing the driving....