West Texas Friends Are Hard To Come By......

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of sweet caring considerate women out here that I have met and had a chance to hang out with, and a few that I have started to get close but then they escape, I mean move and leave me here to start over again. I just haven't had any luck finding those one or two women that you feel like you have known your whole life and whom you really connect with. I'm talking about the kind of friend that you could call at any time of the day or night to bail you out of jail. Now, I would like for it to be noted that I have not personally been in jail myself nor do I plan too, but having already had my identity stolen once I am just waiting for someone to take my name and knock of a liquor store or steal the Hope Diamond.

I think that part of my problem is that it has been so long since I have had to try and make friends that I have forgotten how it's done. I mean it used to be soooo easy, the teacher would sit you next to someone, you would show them how super cool you could draw unicorns, you borrow each others Guess jeans and "POOF!" you had yourself a friend for life. But now to my horror I find my self acting like the puppy at the pound whenever I am around a group of women willing them with my sad puppy dog eyes saying, "Pick me, pick me! I won't pee on your carpet or steal your bone! I'll be good and loyal and always have your back" or something pathetic like that. And I wonder how I came to be in this place where at 40 years old I am trying to convince people that I would be worth the time and trouble to bail out. And I get why it is so hard because the women out here already have best friends, people they have known for years, people who know their secrets and their faults and love them anyways and as a new person it is going to be a lot of work to be my best friend, there's 40 years of history to learn, and a husband and kids to get to know, and then there is my sense of humor which at it's best is sarcastic and sick so opening yourself up to making new friends is hard work, I get it.

It also makes me reflect on what type of friend I might have been back in Nevada. Was I open and inviting to new people or was I just so comfortable in the friendships I had that I maybe didn't include or embrace new friends who needed me? Did I pay enough attention to the people around me to even know when someone was in need of a kind word or gesture? I can honestly answer that I'm not sure I would have noticed, or would have taken the time or made the effort and that is not the kind of person/friend that I want to be. I am trying to use this time in my life to step out of my comfort zone and change the things about myself that I feel God would like for me to improve on, so pray for me to quit being the pathetic puppy and to start being confident and patient, and know that God has a plan for me. Oh and that I need to be on my best behavior and stay out of jail until God sends me "that friend"!!