Vacation In Pam's World

Now most people go on trip's and relax and re-energize, but in my world it is never that simple.

Last week the kids and I went to Houston to visit family and my plan was to go there, throw the children at their aunt and uncle, to run upstairs lock myself in my room and rest and eat bon bons and read magazines. HA! What was I thinking??? On day two Gracy corners me in the bedroom (supposed to be my silent sanctuary), looks me straight in the eyes and asks, "Are you and daddy Santa Claus?". REALLY? Now let me set the stage for you, we are in HOUSTON, it is JULY,it is 100 degrees outside and if I wasn't already sweating enough I get THIS!! So I start fumbling my words and darting my eyes around looking for an escape, but there she stood between me and the door, her sweet eyes trusting me to tell her the truth, but instead I turned it around to, "Well, what do you think?", to which she replied, "I just want you to be honest with me." My mind raced, what would June Cleaver, Carol Brady or Clare Huxtable do?? My mind went blank, I briefly thought about stomping on her foot to buy myself some time, but ended up just looking down and sheepishly nodding. Now I won't embarrass her by detailing her full reaction (which makes me tear up just thinking about it), but let's just say, it wasn't pretty. Finally, an hour or two later when she would finally look at me again I asked how she was feeling and this is the one word answer I got, "Betrayed"......gulp, wholly canola I have truly scarred this child for life!! She will never trust me again with anything and will end up one of those girls who hates her mother.

So I promptly go into damage control about how life is hard and we just wanted her to believe in a little magic to make her childhood more fun and magical, to which I got dead silence, arms crossed, head slightly tilted to the side. So, I decided to deflect some of the heat off of me and threw John under the bus by telling her that if it were up to her daddy that we would lie to her about it until she was in college. Again, silence, look of disgust and betrayal written all over her face. I figured it was then best to hug her and walk away, so I threw my arms around her and for the first time she didn't hug me back and I think I felt my heart crack right down the middle right then and there.

The next day was filled with fun and laughter and I started thinking, maybe this is going to be okay, maybe we are passed all of that, but then night came. As she lay on my bed out of the blue she tells me she's been thinking a lot about what I had said and wants to know if that means that there is also no Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny. SERIOUSLY??????? I must have just looked at her with deer in the headlights look, because the tears started again and then came the question, "Have you lied to me about anything else?",......well, yeah, haven't you read my blog? I have lies planned for the next three years, but of course I couldn't say that so I just once again deflected by pointing out that now she could be my helper in being all of those things for Chase to which she replied, " I could never betray him that way." There was that word again "betray", I'm sure I'll be hearing that one a lot in family counseling. She then proceeded to go through an inventory of every favorite gift Santa ever brought and question how they came to be. The "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer spoon when she was 4, (which I stayed up till 3 a.m. to craft), or the personalized framed autographed picture of Santa Claus and Rudolph, (which I bought from Santa Bob's ebay store), and the list goes painfully on and on.

It also doesn't help that Chase is literally on the verge of losing his first tooth and is none to happy about it. He likes his teeth the way they are and is going to keep that tooth in as long as he can. The dentist even said a month ago that if he sneezes really hard that tooth is coming out. So in the middle of every meal he would run over in a panic for me to check and make sure that his baby tooth (his favorite I am told), is still in place. And every time we would try to calm him and coax him into just pulling it out so the Tooth Fairy would come I could feel the heat of Gracy's stare of betrayal and I would cower and try not to make eye contact.

Oh, and one more thing, on the 8 hour trip home I was pulled over and given a speeding ticket and then informed by Chase that he no longer wanted to ride in the car with me because I break the law and am not safe! Woo Hoo, fun times, I'm telling ya! Guess I can scratch "Mother of the Year", off my list of long term goals huh!!

Now I don't want you to think it was a total bust. We had a great time other than the lies, betrayal and speeding ticket. Every day was filled with fun and laughter and so much spoiling from their aunt and uncle that it is going to take at least 3 or 4 weeks to reprogram the children.